It took three days, and that's bad.
The shop diagnosed the problem with the crankshaft sensor, and that's good.
But they had no way to fix it, and that's bad.
Since the sensor had been recalled, I could get it fixed at the dealer for free, and that's good.
But it required another tow, and that's bad.
The dealer replaced the recalled parts, and that's good.
But the car still didn't run, and that's bad.
The dealer looked deeper into the mystery, and that's good.
They descovered that the engine control computer was burnt out, and that's bad.
But it was under warranty, so it cost nothing to replace it, and that's good.
But the computer is cursed, so that's bad.
But it comes with a free frogurt, so that's good...
Anyway, I dub the car... Jesus H. Crankshaft
I BELIEVE in Nissan the Manufacturer Almighty, Maker of Altima and Maxima: And in Jesus H. Crankshaft its only begotten Son, my Car; who was conceived by the Holy Designer, born of the ISO-9001 certified Factory, entered the Valley of Death, was kaputt, dead, and towed; he descended into the shop; the third day he rose again; he ascended into the City of Angels, and sitteth in my parking spot; from thence he shall come to judge the quick and the too-damned slow.
Many thanks to Rebecca for adding some Mike-ferrying onto her already horrendous commute. Fortunately, I have arranged that she will soon have a friend who will help her rule the world. Muahahaha.