Zoroastrianism: "For centuries, the Zoroastrian dead have been wrapped in white muslin and left at a leafy funeral ground on downtown Mumbai‘s Malabar Hill, where they are devoured by vultures. Only then, according to the tenets of the ancient religion, can the soul be freed."
Unfortunately, millions of vultures have died, due to eating cattle carcasses tainted by a painkiller given to sick cows. This has resulted in piles of rotting human carcasses at Zoroastrian funeral grounds.
Judaism: "Sometimes the souls of sinners, such as adulterers or people who slept with non-Jews, enter the body of a dog," Rabbi Yitzhak Basri, a Kabbalah scholar, told Israel Radio.
Wicca: Although the VA still has not approved a Wiccan star for gravestones, it looks like that fallen soldier will get a star courtesy of the state of Nevada, which runs the cemetary.
Asatru: An Asatru wedding forms the social highlight of a Viking invasion.
Cult of Cthulhu: Darrick Dishaw is still a wanker.
LDS: Brigham Young University
Raelians: continue to keep their cloning technology a secret for their own private use.
Atheism: Mom loses her ten-year court fight to keep the Boy Scouts from recruiting at public schools at mandatory meetings during school hours. When the Boy Scouts would hypothetically tell her kids to fuck off, they would only do so off-campus, so everything's okay.