Nurse: I personally do not like IUDs. I feel they are a type of abortion.
Patient: Yeah, whatever. Can you shorten the strings on my IUD for greater comfort?
Nurse: Um, suuure.
Patient: [feels a distinct pulling on the strings followed by a sharp pain in her uterus similar to a very strong menstrual cramp.] OW!
Nurse: Uh oh, I accidentally pulled out your IUD! Everyone in the office always laughs and tells me I pull these out on purpose because I am against them, but it's not true, they accidentally come out when I tug.
Patient: Put it back in. Or preferably a new one.
And in other news:
It's under EIGHT THOUSAAAAAAAND!