No. 118 (essentialsaltes) wrote,
No. 118

Another scientific breakthrough from the Intelligent Design paradigm

As I noted, it's now been 10 years since the Wedge Document, and intelligent design hasn't really gone anywhere. In biology.

But this new scientific paradigm has revolutionized other areas of science. Physicists are ever eager to use a new tool in the toolbox, so it wasn't long before Intelligent Falling made waves. But this is probably old news to most of you.

More recently, computer science has used the paradigm to uncover an elegant sorting method: Intelligent Sorting.

Now I myself have made a wondrous discovery in meteorology that makes use of the intelligent design paradigm. But first let's refresh our memories of what the ID paradigm is.

Starting from a nebula, the likelihood of Homo sapiens evolving via naturalistic means is a very very very very very very very very very small number, as even scientists will admit. And as we all know, infinitesimally small numbers could never amount to anything or have real world effects, and are thus zero. Having eliminated naturalistic explanations, the only possible alternative is an Intelligent Designer.
Besides, no one could ever establish the truth of a naturalistic explanation, because we could ask of the scientists: "Were you there?"
If they answer Yes, they're liars; if they answer No, we don't have to listen to them.
Teach the controversy.

Now, moving on to my discovery. Exhibit A: perfectly cylindrical rolls of snow on the prairies of Idaho. They are up to two feet tall. Even the scientists at the National Weather Service admit that they are exceedingly unlikely, since naturalistic explanations require "unique combination of snow, wind, temperature and moisture." Since the chances of them forming are very very very very small, the chances are zero. I mean, just look at them! The very idea that they formed from blowing wind is ludicrous. Besides, if you've ever seen someone build an intelligently designed snowman, this is just the sort of thing an intelligent agent does to accumulate snow. But there are no footprints in that photo. Thus, I posit a metaphysical Intelligent Roller.

If you disagree, all I can do is shake my head sadly and ask, "Were you there?"

Teach the controversy.
Tags: blog, funny, religion, science, skepticism

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