For several weeks before I came out and admitted to myself that I just didn't believe in God anymore, I used to take the eucharist from my mouth, wad it up and stick it under the pew like bubblegum. I only stopped when the priest made an announcement about finding it and I began to worry that I'd get caught.
When I was like 14 I was going through my mom's bedroom drawers and I found some S&M magazines and a huge vibrator, so after that while my folks were out I used to use them. Some day I want to tell my mom that she was using a vibe that had been up my butt.
I feel that after someone says "thank-you" for holding the door open for them, that saying "shut-up" is a proper and best response. People like it.
I used to fold my leg and put the folds of skin together to make it look like it was a pussy, and practiced having oral sex.. with my leg.