There was a page break on page 0, but when I would delete it, the formatted headers and footers totally disappeared throughout the rest of the document.
I finally got rid of the blank page, but now the report started on page 0. Surely it must be a simple thing to reformat the page numbers?
It would be simple if only you lived on planet Microsoft, a strange Bizarro-world where the format page number command is found within the insert page number command.
I swear I'm gonna take that perky little paper-clip guy and twist him into a pretzel.