Finished report, life may be partially restored.

Nearly killed some fat lady in her car as she pulled out of the TJ's parking lot, oblivious of the world around her. In particular, oblivious of my car hurtling toward her driver's side door at 35 mph. I slam the brakes and squeal to a halt, as I see, in slow motion, her mouth form this big

O

and her jowls all a-quiver.

Bought a suit today. I am officially a man of business. Please send flowers for the death of my carefree youth.

Dinner at the Magic Castle on Friday.

Leaving for Orlando on Saturday. I'll be gone a week. Business for the first half, and then a trip to visit grandma for her 80th birthday.
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I was watching Jeopardy, and this lady contestant is being interviewed by Alex and he says something like "I hear that you had been hoping to have snow on your wedding day..."
"Yes, but I didn't get any," she replies, "But I got eight inches on my honeymoon!"

Kapowie! ZING!!